Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
