If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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