I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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