Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
