Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize