I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
