I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
