People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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