I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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