I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
