Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
