I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
