....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
