hell yes lets make some ravioli
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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