so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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