I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
