she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
