Only a mothe r could love this liver
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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