I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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