I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
