It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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