He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
