haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
