I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
