fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
