Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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