oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
