Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
