"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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