while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
