dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
