I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
