i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
