Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
