if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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