Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
