I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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