Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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