i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
