Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
