either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize