Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
