he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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