Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize