Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
