and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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