I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
