I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
