i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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