your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
not ubering you a puppy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
