How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
