her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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