i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
