just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
