Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
