I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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