I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
