I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
