just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
