Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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