My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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