of course. lets lasso hookers.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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