if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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