i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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