like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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