i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
